the road aheadMar 5, 2015
I didn’t dream of growing older, just growing up. I had big plans back then, of what? I don’t remember anymore. I know I wanted to travel. I wanted to meet people. I wanted to be a good dad. I didn’t dream of working or what job I would have. It was not a thought that I would have to provide for my family. Well the thought was not of providing financially. I really never thought about money. I knew and have always known that I could provide emotionally and spiritually for my family and my friends and strangers and whoever. I have always known that I can take care of the world. From time to time I wonder if I can take care of me. From time to time I wonder if it is possible to dream too big? When I question this I then wonder if this is the space outside of my normal? the place were growth happens? Is this how I broaden my horizon? by stepping out of my comfort zone? If so, then I have lived most of my adult life outside of my comfort zone. Toes on the edge, I have been living. For here I am again, uncomfortable. Looking down an unfamiliar path at uncertainty. I am not scared by any means. Yet I don’t not know what lies ahead. I guess none of us really knows what lies ahead even if we stay well within the comfort zone. So in reality all that lies ahead is unpredictable. Well, unless I look at the preparation and the process that has been set in motion. Then the unpredictable part is the timing of when it all happens. I have struggled my life to this very moment with patience. I remain calm, for the most part, but that calm belies the inner me who franticly needs things to move along and move along to an expected resolve. As these things move along I age. I am no longer that young thing hoping for, working for an amazing outcome. I have aged some. I now wear the skin of the middle aged man. Too late for me to be the next hot young sensation. Fresh and young are no longer my adjectives. The laugh lines have turned to full fledged wrinkles. The joints creak. The mind is still young. The heart is still strong. The ideas are fresh and new and empowering. I hope they are enough to keep me going.