the cart before the horse

Jan 13, 2015

I look at my life and at times it seems I have ordered things all wrong. Have I put the cart before the proverbial horse. So many work their butts off to have the beautiful house on the perfect piece of land in the ideal place. I have that. I have those things. Did I work for it? I’m not sure. I have had a string of “dream jobs” most of which did not feel like work. Yet I continue to dream. For me as one of those “creative” types I don’t  long for the dream job. I long for the opportunity to be creative. Along with that I long for the opportunity for my creations to resonate with a majority of the inhabitants (specifically the humans) of this earth.  I am not sure if it is macabre or just a little sick... and I am not trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others. In my head there is a little voice that prompts me. That voice nudges me. I don’t know if I am unusual or if everyone has one (or more) of these voices. When Bernie Mac died that voice said “they’re making room”. When Michael Clark Duncan passed away that voice said “a little more room”. Geoffrey Holder passed away last fall and that voice said “it’s your time”. Each of these people I professionally looked up to. Powerful black men who made it in “the business”. Most recently Bill Cosby, who instigated some of my fondest childhood memories, fell from grace. Be it either from his own doing or the doing of others he was toppled from his pedestal. And the voice stopped hinting. The voice shouted “you have a positive message. You have unique ideas. You need to be heard. Take your place”. The voice sounds nothing like the ego, for the ego tries to tell me “You deserve it”. As effusive as the voice may be it is also humble. I realize talking or writing about the voices in my head comes off like crazy talk. Like so many other accomplishments in my life I know where I want to be and I know where I need to be I just don’t know how to get there. And just like any of my other accomplishments I will not stand still in fear. I will move forward. I will make mistakes if necessary. I will take my place. The place where I am recognized as the Entertainer, the Educator, The Inspiration, The Artist, The Producer, the Father, the Friend. Looking at the adjectives that describe me I omitted a few because I can hear the echo of teachers and professors and coaches from my past telling me to specialize in one thing. Although there are all those adjectives, I want to say “I did”. These adjectives would seem to say differently. But I will say again “I did specialize in one thing, Me”. None of us are one dimensional. There is no need to unbalance myself and specialize only in one aspect of my life. I have, over the course of  my life honed me to be as true to me as possible. By doing so I am able to speak that truth  through any of the things I do.  The leader in me is ready to lead and there is a void in leadership. Where will I lead? Follow me and find out.

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