something died

Apr 9, 2015

(this was in a notebook I found I wrote this about an accident I nearly had while riding my motorcycle in North Hollywood, CA around 2003)
This morning a late model silver Toyota Tundra pick up truck ran a red light. It is such an  odd moment when disaster jumps in your path. My life did not flash before my eyes as I decelerated towards the moment of impact. What did flash before my  eyes were my options. At no point did I give in or give up and think there is no way out of this. I did not brace for the hit or ready myself for pain. Instead I saw that I had room to brake. I might even have room to accelerate around this thing.
(the motorcycle skidded to a stop 6-8 inches from the side of the truck. The female driver of the truck was more shaken than I was. Having averted disaster I drove off. The driver followed me to the alley where I was parking my bike to explain that her dog was choking in the back seat of the truck and she was distracted. I calmly looked at her and said “nothing happened”
So much life happened in the brief moments of this averted accident. Within that brief moment I lived fully. I saw options. I chose accordingly. The outcome was that nothing spectacular happened. And yet that was spectacular. The rest of that day was a haze of magical possibilities. Yet I cannot remember anything else that happened that day. I think at times that in the movie version of my life that would be the moment I died. The moment my soul refused to give up. And here I am dead refusing to cross over continuing on as if nothing happened. From that moment many many magical things and magical moments have happened in my life. And I wonder did I die that day? Or did I start living? It may not have been that day. It may have been that that day was the day that caused the scales to tip allowing me to see everything differently. I made a choice on how I wanted to live that moment without panic with full clarity of what lay before me. In that moment I focused solely on the option I had chosen. Nothing else mattered. Much like in meditation we un-focus everything except what we need to process through. In that moment my focus or hyper-focus on the situation at hand allowed me to slip through some gap in all that I had known into the space that I now live in. A place where the waking world is as surreal and malleable as the dream world. A part of me may have died in that moment. That part of me sacrificed itself so that this part of me could live fully.

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