Billz Blob

Billz Blob
We are all unique and amazing. With this notion bouncing around inside me I offer to the world what I have to share. The words inside my head have reached to overflowing and in an attempt to keep from exploding I have taken to writing. What follows is the result of purging my mind. If you like what you see, SUBSCRIBE at the top of the page.

Process

Apr 16, 2015

When I write from my heart I am usually surprised when I read what I have written. The words capture the essence of what I am feeling or was feeling but are not what I would have chosen to write if I were thoughtfully crafting the work. I read the words and know they came from me. I can remember the process of the writing. Yet the words seem strange. I have spoken and written about my writing before. I feel when I am writing that I am transcribing words that are being spoken into my ear. My writing is artful listening, hopefully. I do not know who or what the speaker is. Is it me? Is it the muse? Is it Angels? Is it GOD? I do not need an answer. Frankly, I don’t want an answer. I just want to continue hearing. My goal is not to be a great writer. I seek to be a good listener and a good scribe.


Dreamcatcher BF

her innocence

Apr 14, 2015

Young lady
I look you in the eye
not because you are the object of desire
it is not that you set my heart, my mind, my loin on fire
I nod to you
It is my bow
to the honor you are born with but may not know right now
Young lady
it is not the curve of your hip
or the pucker of your lip that catches my eye
It is the Queen in you
the hope that one day you will be president
the hope that one day you will know your power
Young lady
I look you in the eye and see a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother
and hope you do not know their struggle
Young lady
my hope that should you choose so in this life
you accomplish more than just wife
you turn from me and laugh
you think your underwire ignites my fire
that your hip makes my heart beat dip
Young lady
I look you in the eye
and send to you via spiritual wifi
honor, courage, strength and love
for with this, the girl you are
will become the lady I see.



Dreamcatcher BF

innocence

Apr 14, 2015

Young black man
I wave at you
not because we are friends
although we may be one day
because not very long ago you were unseen
not very long ago you could not grow to be a man
you could only be a boy
Young black man
I nod to you
because maybe your father
or your father’s father was worth only the work he could do
and you are worth my time
Young black man
you see me and laugh
you see my nod and don’t understand
may you never know
I wave at me in you
the me that did not know hate
the me that did not know injustice
the me that did not know I was not a leading man
the me that did not know what was ahead
Young black man
one day you will wave at me
when you wave I hope you wave at you inside of me.



Dreamcatcher BF

listening

Apr 13, 2015

Cymatics: the study of visible sound vibration.
Life is the result of sound taking shape. We are essentially the existence of GOD’s spoken word. We are not listening for GOD to speak. We are GOD’s speech. Each of us is a complete story. Our lives are not chapters in the book of life. They are complete books. In religion we are taught to listen to GOD. We are taught to pray to GOD and wait for a response. Life is that response. If we are the spoken word of GOD then GOD’s response to us will come in living form. GOD speaking to us will not be a disembodied voice wafting out of the ether. GOD speaks to us constantly through the people, places and things in our life.



Dreamcatcher BF

something died

Apr 9, 2015

(this was in a notebook I found I wrote this about an accident I nearly had while riding my motorcycle in North Hollywood, CA around 2003)
This morning a late model silver Toyota Tundra pick up truck ran a red light. It is such an  odd moment when disaster jumps in your path. My life did not flash before my eyes as I decelerated towards the moment of impact. What did flash before my  eyes were my options. At no point did I give in or give up and think there is no way out of this. I did not brace for the hit or ready myself for pain. Instead I saw that I had room to brake. I might even have room to accelerate around this thing.
(the motorcycle skidded to a stop 6-8 inches from the side of the truck. The female driver of the truck was more shaken than I was. Having averted disaster I drove off. The driver followed me to the alley where I was parking my bike to explain that her dog was choking in the back seat of the truck and she was distracted. I calmly looked at her and said “nothing happened”
4/9/15
So much life happened in the brief moments of this averted accident. Within that brief moment I lived fully. I saw options. I chose accordingly. The outcome was that nothing spectacular happened. And yet that was spectacular. The rest of that day was a haze of magical possibilities. Yet I cannot remember anything else that happened that day. I think at times that in the movie version of my life that would be the moment I died. The moment my soul refused to give up. And here I am dead refusing to cross over continuing on as if nothing happened. From that moment many many magical things and magical moments have happened in my life. And I wonder did I die that day? Or did I start living? It may not have been that day. It may have been that that day was the day that caused the scales to tip allowing me to see everything differently. I made a choice on how I wanted to live that moment without panic with full clarity of what lay before me. In that moment I focused solely on the option I had chosen. Nothing else mattered. Much like in meditation we un-focus everything except what we need to process through. In that moment my focus or hyper-focus on the situation at hand allowed me to slip through some gap in all that I had known into the space that I now live in. A place where the waking world is as surreal and malleable as the dream world. A part of me may have died in that moment. That part of me sacrificed itself so that this part of me could live fully.



Apr 8, 2015

The time is now. As a youngster I was terribly impatient. I wanted the special things to happen right now. So I impatiently waited.  I held my breath. I did nothing. I bided my time. I wish I could say that with maturity I have become more patient. I haven’t. I still want the special things to happen now. With maturity I do not just sit and wait for the special. I work toward the special moments. I create in the waiting time. Somewhere in my maturation I came to an awareness that some of the special moments are divine and some are man made. So instead of idly waiting for whoever creates the special moments to create the special moments I would create some. So I toil away in the waiting time creating moments. In the process I also discovered the specialness of now. Yes, now is a special moment created just for each of us. What makes it special? Just look around. It may be the people, places, and things in your life. For someone else it may be you in their life. Each time I find myself waiting for the special. I look around and realize the time is now.



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