Billz Blob

Billz Blob
We are all unique and amazing. With this notion bouncing around inside me I offer to the world what I have to share. The words inside my head have reached to overflowing and in an attempt to keep from exploding I have taken to writing. What follows is the result of purging my mind. If you like what you see, SUBSCRIBE at the top of the page.

Love

May 14, 2015

“I love macaroni and cheese” What is the difference between my love for mac and cheese and my love for my wife? Or what is the difference between her love of a new hair do and her love for me? I long to find the difference. A while back I can remember a Pastor giving a sermon on love. He said there were three types of love Agape, Philos, and Eros. This seemed so wonderful to me. I would now have the ability to love in degrees. All love was not the same. Philos is brotherly love or the love we have for friends and family. Eros is romantic love, the love we have for a partner. A dynamic physical love. Agape is unconditional love. GOD like live. An irrevocable love. The degrees did not help. Agape is unattainable as we are made up of GOD we are not GOD like and can therefore not achieve an unconditional love. Eros is a love that only one can share and yet the love I have for my wife is more than just an erotic love. I don’t covet her only for her beauty, her looks, her physical. And Eros does not cover what I feel for my children. And what I feel for my children goes far beyond Philos. Philos, my friends and my extended family fall squarely in this category. With every relationship I have had it irked me to share my love with new shoes, a movie, some stranger in a movie who happened to say some witty line or the weather. Even with my growing distain for the use of the word love I learned how to love beyond Philos and Eros. I learned to stop using Love to describe how I feel about a pair of shoes or the smell of barbecue. I searched for a new word to let my wife know that what I had for her, what I felt for her was something that no other could conjure in me. For years we would say to each other “You complete me” which became trivial when we heard the leads in  movie say it to each other. It also became cumbersome to wield. My wife reverted back to “I love you”. And I reverted back to not feeling special in receipt of her love. I found myself not wanting to speak the word. Not that I didn’t love my wife, but that I wanted to love her more deeply more purposefully. In the past year I found a new word. I created a new word for the way I wanted my love received. “ILYSM” (pronounced ee- lee - sim) the spoken acronym of I love you so much. And yet upon finding that it was not enough because what I really mean to say is “I love you completely”. “ILYC (ee - lick) is that any more cumbersome than latin? I will discard ILYSM and reserve it for use with my children. As I explain this I wonder how much the average person considers to what degree they love? Does it really matter? Well, Yes. I long to be loved not like a pastrami sandwich or a Lamborghini. I long to be loved for me. I long to be loved and to love in a divine purposeful way.



Dreamcatcher BF

journeying on

May 12, 2015

If I were to map my life’s journey it would be clear to see how often I visited the little town of Confused. That place of great uncertainty, where fear threatens each moment begging to be acknowledged. I only recognize the fear from past experience when I thought we were friends. When I invited it in not knowing  who he truly was. And I fed him well until he refused to leave and he slept with me at night and kept me company by day. He introduced me to his friends doubt and shame. Under his influence I nearly tossed my map aside and I nearly gave up on my journey. I awoke one day without fear. I stepped outside to find hope and dreams had been waiting all this time. They hadn’t given up on me as I made a few wrong turns. It was I who had laid them by the wayside, but they had found me. I tried to rush off quietly so that we could get away before fear and doubt woke up and chased my dear hope and dreams away. They would not hear of it. At their insistence we stepped back inside. I pulled up the blinds and threw open the window. The giant that had taken over my life proved nothing in the direct light of day. The bully cowered in the presence of hope and dreams then scurried away, disappearing down a dark alley. My old friends reminded me that this is the home that I had built. Fear had me think I was lost and that I was nowhere, when in reality I was exactly where I should be. Fear had made me think I was powerless, when I was at the center of my place of power. Fear nearly encouraged me to run from this. Had I run I might never have found my place again. For it would have been all too easy to mistake running from myself as the journey I was on.



Dreamcatcher BF

controversy

May 1, 2015

We need to stop being black. Because when we stop being black they stop being white. And when we stop being what divides us we can begin to unite. When we unite we UNTIE the bonds that have held us separate for so long. We stop giving the power to those we do not want to have the power and we give the power to ourselves, Each other. This is not an argument this is an agreement. We see things the same way. We know we have been doing things the same way they have been done and we have been expecting change. We are the change. We are the revolution. Let's untie and unite We are brothers and sisters of mother earth and father time.


make it stop II / Baltimore

Apr 28, 2015

I am a racist
I do not belong here.
I was born black in a white world.
who made this so?
and why have I accepted it?
why have we accepted it?
This world is full of color and yet we swallow
like the chemicals they manufacture to make us dependent on the chemicals they manufacture to combat the disease we have gotten from the chemicals they manufacture.
We swallow the idea that the other colors are meaningless.
We accept that to see the colors in the middle is extremist.
but only accepting the opposite ends of the spectrum is normal.
Those who speak of disparity are hushed
not by the ones who sell the rules but by those who listen.
I am a racist.
My children fight to figure out if they are white or black.
because each means something completely different.
one means they have to defend their history
one means they have no history
One choice or the other.
We have been sold and have bought what has been reduced for sale
that which we don’t want and don’t need.
What we know:
White or Black or Other, we bleed.
Each time we kill, a piece of us dies
The ones we hurt have families who hurt
We can not make sense of the senseless, so let’s stop trying.
I will stop being a racist.
Today I stop being Black.
I now am the color of my soul,
my color covers the spectrum of the rainbow.
I will see you as me
and within me I will know you.
My name is Bill a derivative of William.
That which I am, I will.
I will be you.
I will be love.
I will be light.
I will be.



Dreamcatcher BF

make it stop

Apr 28, 2015

Okay, now it’s Baltimore, Another riot.
I can no longer stay quiet.
No I will not pick up my arms
to do some mother or father or someone’s child harm.
I have family in blue and now in battle gear.
We fight terrorist over there
and you rioters are my terrorists here.
When you feel you can’t be heard and the profanities you sling seem absurd,
You lash out with weapons not your words.
Although you may not get to see
You best believe the hate you cast
will most definitely be received.
By whom?
It never goes where it needs
hate does not discriminate.
hate grows happy when someone, anyone bleeds.
My brothers, my sisters, my cousins decide
tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow
will today’s actions bring you pride?
or shame? and cause you to hide
we need not be a tool
dancing to strings pulled by some fool.
Stop the stupidity, stop the anger, stop the hate, stop the rage
lay down your arms.
Let the scribes write the positive of today on the page.
GOD lives within us not far off above
Fill yourself with GOD, overflow with love.
Look across the lines see a mother, see a father, see a child, a son, a daughter, a grandfather, a grandmother
and know they have a name.
They will stop being rioters or cops when you do the same.


unlock

Apr 17, 2015


You hold the key to happiness. You hold the key to joy.
just holding the key will not start a car,
will not open a door,
will not unlock a lock.
We must partner our dreams, goals, and desires with the key to accomplish whatever it is we set out to accomplish.
We must take action.
Sometimes when you have the key but don't know where it fits you must ask for help. You may have to actually ask for some assistance.
You may have to humble yourself.
Yes, you may find the solution on your own, eventually.
But there is no need to postpone your happiness.
There is no need to postpone joy.
Use the keys that you were given at birth,
Use the keys you have picked up throughout life to unlock and share.
Because the more you give of hope, happiness, love and joy
the more you have to give.
And the more you give the more space you have to receive.


Dreamcatcher BF
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