Billz Blob

Billz Blob
We are all unique and amazing. With this notion bouncing around inside me I offer to the world what I have to share. The words inside my head have reached to overflowing and in an attempt to keep from exploding I have taken to writing. What follows is the result of purging my mind. If you like what you see, SUBSCRIBE at the top of the page.

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living life

Jul 16, 2018

My blog well has been dry recently. I have been busy living life in the aftermath of my mother's death. Life continues the same as it ever was, it is the living that has become hard. My mother was, one of if not, my best friend. We spoke on the phone daily and sometimes five or six times in a day. (there were many days like that) I continue to work. I continue to care for my children. I have a small hole in my heart where my mother, in her physical form, once was. I am at peace with her death. I am at peace with her life. I miss our conversations. I miss her intrusions, I miss her in my life, even though she is now more present in my life than she ever could have been in life, I miss the soul filled human that was her. I now set out to discover who I am without her here.



Jun 13, 2018

Life is neither easy nor hard it just is. It seems to be what it isn't when we imagine it to be other than what it is. Removing expectation allows Life to be what it is.

tweet tweet

May 17, 2018

#ApoemAday continues on twitter. I am continuing my campaign to write a poem a day as a twitter post each morning. I will continue as long as the spirit moves me. Check it out, like it, retweet it, make a comment. You can find me on twitter  @actorbat. 

a morning thought...

May 17, 2018

Step into your higher self. I am not sure I could say more pretentious words, yet what if there is truth to the words? And what if the words I speak are spoken to me? Well, now that I share this it no longer is just for me because I have shared it with you. The doubt that I have just expressed keeps me from “stepping into my higher self”. The doubt only serves as a backpack full of lead where the parachute could possibly be, where the parachute needs to be. The craziest part of this whole dilemma is that it is a wholly internal struggle. I know that as I recognize my struggle each face I look into faces their own internal struggle some as metaphysically simple as mine others physically life threatening. Acknowledging the other struggles does not diminish my own, it give another perspective by which to view it. The new perspective is also distraction from the process. Acknowledging the others does not attend to stepping into my higher self. Or what the heck it means to step into my higher self. Approaching the statement fuels the questions of what does it mean? How is it possible? How will I know if I have done it? And asking the questions I recognize marks my map as being no where near to my goal. The more I work this out the more it feels that I am attempting to untangle a knotted ball of twine from the middle with the ends attached. A difficult task but not impossible. 

a poem a day (5/10/18)

May 10, 2018

when the world becomes unbearable 
with frustration fear anger,
suit up in your garments of love
for they have no power in the closet on the hanger.

(poem a day poems are posted each day on Twitter: @actorbat)

sometimes life interferes with life

May 10, 2018

I am keeping up with the challenge I have waged on myself of writing a poem a day. And in the process I become aware of the speed bumps and obstacles that can be placed in our path to success. While I have kept up with the challenge I have not kept up with posting those poems to my blog. In this revelation I can identify how I placed an unnecessary obstacle of posting in two places in order to validate my task. When in actuality the task was to write. Posting the writing is an extra added bonus or an additional opportunity for failure. An easy add on that impedes the probability of success. In identifying this speed bump I am given a reference point from which to look back over my life and see similar patterns. I do not find it hard to find the similar. In assessing the pattern I pose the question to myself "How do I do differently?" How do I create a new pattern of success?". I am struck with the realization that identifying the pattern is the first step of doing differently. Identifying may not break the pattern yet I realize it is the start. I also realize that I have presented to myself the need to do different and identify that makes me at least two steps along the this path of my journey. Along this journey the learning never stops as long as the living is happening.

Dreamcatcher BF
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